Cindy Crawford: The Loss of a Brother and the Realization of Survivor Guilt

Supermodel Cindy Crawford opens up about the profound loss of her brother to leukemia and the complex emotions she and her sisters experienced as children, including survivor guilt.

Supermodel Cindy Crawford recently shared her deeply personal experience of losing her brother, Jeff, to leukemia when she was a child. In an interview on the "Kelly Corrigan Wonders: About Your Mother" podcast series, Crawford delved into the impact his death had on her family and the feelings of survivor guilt she and her sisters grappled with.

Growing up in a home with a sick sibling, Crawford and her sisters were partially shielded from the gravity of Jeff's condition. While they knew he was ill, the extent of his battle with leukemia remained hidden from them. The family faced immense challenges as Crawford's mother dedicated herself to taking Jeff for cancer treatments while her father worked tirelessly to support them financially.

"We kind of had to get pawned off on aunts and uncles and grandmas," Crawford recalled. "And I didn't really feel it as a kid. And I didn't know – we knew [Jeff] was sick, but we didn't really know what was going on."

After Jeff's passing, Crawford's mother made a conscious decision to continue living for her three remaining children. However, it was only later in life, after having her own children, that Crawford fully understood the depth of her mother's resilience.

"When he died, obviously that was devastating for the whole family," Crawford said. "But I remember her saying, ‘Well, I had three other kids looking at me like to lead them through this.' And I think because of us, she kind of got out of bed."

Crawford shared that, as children, she and her sisters felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for outliving their brother. "And we felt like, ‘Well, it should have been one of us,'" she admitted. "And it was so weird, like for years my sisters and I, we'd all have these like same nightmares… that it should have been one of us."

As she grew older, Crawford realized that her parents had also experienced guilt for wanting a boy so badly and having Jeff as the only son. "I was talking about this with someone yesterday who lost a sister, like there's survivor guilt of the other kids and especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy," Crawford said.

Only in adulthood did Crawford find closure through conversations with her mother and sisters. By acknowledging the guilt and sadness they had carried throughout their lives, they were able to heal and move forward.

"And, of course, my mom didn't know how to say that," Crawford said of her mother's inability to express her love for her surviving children. "But then, through doing the work myself, I was able to ask my mom to say that now, as an adult… just to kind of close the loop on that feeling."

Crawford's story is a poignant reminder of the complexities of loss and grief. While time may heal some wounds, the profound impact of losing a loved one can leave a lasting mark on our hearts. By sharing her experience, Crawford has shed light on the often overlooked emotions of survivor guilt and the importance of finding healing through connection and support.