Kamala Harris' Press Pool Deserves Pulitzer for Obfuscating Her Policies

Vice President and Democrat nominee for president Kamala Harris visited Pittsburgh's Penzey's Spices on the campaign trail Saturday, which has posted an entire page on their website bashing the GOP.

In a time when substance and accountability in journalism seem to be dwindling, Kamala Harris' press pool has emerged as a shining example of how to effectively obfuscate a candidate's policies and personal qualities. Their unwavering commitment to showcasing only the most superficial and innocuous aspects of Harris' character has earned them a rightful nomination for a well-deserved Pulitzer Prize.

While traditional journalists may delve into complex issues of governance and foreign affairs, the Harris press pool has boldly chosen a path of journalistic excellence that transcends such trivialities. Their keen focus on Harris' spice rack, culinary preferences, and heartwarming encounters with strangers has undoubtedly provided the American electorate with invaluable insights into her true nature and qualifications for the highest office in the land.

Kamala Harris' Press Pool Deserves Pulitzer for Obfuscating Her Policies

In an era where truth is often sacrificed at the altar of partisan politics, the Harris press pool has emerged as a beacon of hope for those who believe that substance should take a backseat to sentimentality. Their refusal to ask pertinent questions or delve into Harris' stance on pressing issues has been a masterstroke of journalistic innovation.

Gone are the days when journalists sought to hold candidates accountable for their words and actions. In its place, we now have a media landscape where the candidate's "vibes" and "human qualities" reign supreme. The Harris press pool has embraced this paradigm shift with open arms, recognizing that it is far more important to tug at the heartstrings of voters than to scrutinize a candidate's policy positions.

Kamala Harris' Press Pool Deserves Pulitzer for Obfuscating Her Policies

By shielding Harris from potentially uncomfortable questions, the press pool has not only protected her from having to articulate her views but has also paved the way for a new era of journalism where the pursuit of truth is replaced by the preservation of political narratives.

Just as the New York Times and Washington Post were awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 2018 for their bogus reporting on the Trump-Russia collusion story, the Harris press pool should be recognized for their equally groundbreaking contributions to the annals of journalistic malpractice. Their ability to distract the public from Harris' actual policies and present her as a relatable, down-to-earth figure is truly worthy of the highest accolade that journalism has to offer.

Kamala Harris' Press Pool Deserves Pulitzer for Obfuscating Her Policies

Mark my words, this new form of journalism will be studied in journalism schools for years to come as a prime example of how to shirk journalistic responsibilities in favor of promoting political agendas. It is a testament to the transformative power of the press pool that they have been able to elevate the art of political obfuscation to such unprecedented heights.

In the grand tapestry of American history, the Harris press pool will undoubtedly be remembered as the architects of a new era in journalism, where truth is sacrificed at the altar of political expediency. For their unwavering commitment to shielding Kamala Harris from scrutiny and presenting her as a symbol of unity rather than a candidate with actual policies, they deserve nothing less than a Pulitzer Prize.