Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

As political divisions permeate families and workplaces, a communication workshop participant developed the "Caring and Sharing Practice" to overcome the natural tendency for defensiveness and foster dialogue. This practice, rooted in appreciation and understanding, aims to preserve relationships amidst opposing perspectives.

The deepening divisions in our society are taking a toll not only on our communities but also on our families and workplaces. The emotional loss of loved ones and the poisoning of the workplace atmosphere are consequences that should not be taken lightly. This divisiveness is not new, but it poses new challenges in an era where opposing perspectives often seem irreconcilable.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

In the past, institutional checks and balances could compensate for our inability to hear opposing perspectives without becoming defensive. However, in today's polarized environment, these mechanisms seem to be failing.

As a political scientist and couples' communication workshop facilitator, I have witnessed firsthand the destructive effects of defensiveness and sought to find a solution. My search led me to develop the "Caring and Sharing Practice," which is based on the understanding that building defenses was functional for survival in our evolutionary past but has become dysfunctional in the context of love and relationships.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

To transform civil war into civil dialogue with loved ones and friends, we need to develop behaviors that alter our natural biological propensity for defensiveness. Until these behaviors are practiced repeatedly, few people can practice them for more than an hour, but that is long enough to leave our friend or family member feeling heard.

The Caring and Sharing Practice begins with the expression of two appreciations at five levels of specificity. This helps to create a safe environment and build trust. The next step is to search for the original virtue that motivates the other person's perspective.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

Prior to the core practice, I ask political opponents what they have in common. The answer? They all care. No one is apathetic. Caring enough to be actively involved is crucial to the sustaining of democracy.

Now the key "Caring and Sharing Practice" begins: since it's biologically natural to become defensive when receiving criticism, I ask the person receiving the feedback to first alter their natural state. They meditate using six specific mindsets.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

For example, I call one mindset "The Love Guarantee." In this mindset, the listener focuses on the idea that providing a safe environment for their loved one's perspectives will foster love and understanding between them.

The listener then signals when they feel completely receptive and secure. If they "lose it," they say "Hold" and resume the conversation only after they've found a mindset or two that recenters them.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

Once the listener has heard their loved one's perspective, they share what they heard and ask if they distorted anything. They keep working at it until their loved one feels nothing is distorted.

Then they ask if they missed anything, and finally, ask if their loved one wishes to add anything. Once their loved one feels completely heard, they reverse the process.

Mending Divides: The Caring and Sharing Practice for Bridging Family and Political Differences

At the completion of the process, each person shares two more appreciations at five levels of specificity.

None of this requires anyone to change their mind. Only to leave someone they care for feeling understood and seen in the way they understand and see themselves.

Elections are now. Families are forever. By embracing the Caring and Sharing Practice, we can bridge divides and preserve our relationships amidst political differences.